It was only when I was about six months pregnant that I started to read up on things about mother and child bonding, getting the best out of your baby and looking into what's best for your baby. That was after reading all about the do's and don'ts of pregnancy.
I was adamant that as a mother, I was not going to work full time and my career was over! I have to say I was judgemental of parents who worked full time and were career driven because I thought that one would always suffer- either your family or your career- I still think that to an extent.
However, after being home for 12 months and money running out, I had to go back to work, it wasn't my dream job or the career path I would have once chosen but it was in the same field and it paid ok, for a while.
I never knew that once I went back to work and my child went to day care that it would almost send us broke! Wow, I didn't realise how stressful juggling it all really was, no one ever talks about it. I had my whole life as a parent planned out - I'd be working from home to be with my child, when he turned 1 he'd go to day care 2 or 3 days a week, (because that's what I believe is best for his development), I'd be earning enough for a few bills and my partner would earn enough for the mortgage and all other major bills. Huh! I felt like I was slapped in the face much harder and faster than I could say ouch!
Just before we had the baby and just after we bought our new home, my partner was made redundant, so when he got a job, it was one that would do in terms of income, much less than he was on before. The job I took after 12 months was also less than what I was on before - so we now we had to get accustomed to our baby and balancing work and family as well as juggle, or should I say struggle, our finances too.
Everyone says, 'it's hard having a baby', 'it's not easy once you have a baby' - but no one ever talks about their struggles, it's always so general and vague. Talk up people!!!
Here are my take home messages:
- working from home with a baby is near impossible, the minute you're on the phone to a client, they'll cry.
- the day you organise to have a meeting the baby has a bad night and you'll be up all night, it's hard to take a sick day when you work for yourself, it = no income.
- you can't just leave your child in the bassinet for hours on end, they need interaction, stimulation, bonding time with you, and it's just cruel.
- it's hard to focus on work when you have this gorgeous little person that belongs to you, right there in the same room, awwww!
- books and websites give you lists of things to do with your baby each day, which I wanted to do because they're activities that are best for the child and if you don't do them you feel guilty - I certainly did. (There were days when I was so exhausted I just thought 'one day of no tummy time will not harm him', and it didn't)
I LOVED LOVED LOVED being at home with my baby for the first 12 months. He is super cute and a healthy little boy now. I'm also glad I didn't pursue with working from home, because I was able to take the time off work when I needed to be with him (I admit, on occasion, I'd call in sick and just hang out with him for the day). My career is where I need it to be, in fact, I was asked to propose where I'd like my career to progress and I had to make something up, I like it just the way it is. Ideally when my child goes to school I'd like to work part time, but there aren't enough companies offering a 'normal' income on 3 or 4 days.
Do I still think that a career mum will ultimately only have a successful family or job? Yes I do. Which is why, even though I like my job and I take it seriously and work just as hard, it's not my priority my child will always be. My situation is not perfect, more time with him would be best for all of us, but unfortunately things don't always work out as planned, no matter how much you plan, but that's fine, you get other opportunities- I travel a bit for work and my 3 year old has been to all states in the eastern sea boarder, Japan, Taipei, Portugal and more things than a lot of people I know. I'm hoping his experiences will enrich him as a person and help him be open minded accepting of all people.
I hope this inspires, teaches, helps any parents or parents-to-be out there. You can make it work your way, struggles are a part of it just like everything else in life...anyway, I'm looking forward to my day off this Thursday to take my child out to the Aquarium - it's a mummy day :)
Did I mention he's also very funny?
His own 'selfie'
